Memento Mori

So, one of my Aunts died last week. She was my my mother's youngest sister. She went to take a nap and stopped breathing. Her friend, who is useless in a crisis called my mother before calling emergency services. When I got to the apartment with my mother, we were there about just before the police and 20 or 40 minutes after she had stopped breathing. I spent some time working, along with my father,  in for a funeral home, and so, I noticed that lividity was already setting in. Her friend was on the phone the emergence operator who told us to start CPR. I made him get her off the bed and on to the floor. I let my CPR certification lapse 10 years ago, and I was so nervous about not knowing what I was doing that I was freezing up. I was about to begin comprehensions when the police came in with the fire department and EMTs and paramedics on their heels. The professionals worked on her and pumped her so full of drugs that a slight pulse began. This is when they brought her to the hospital.

I had to leave the hospital and fetch my aunt's living will. When I got back to the ER, her EKG was flatlined, but there was a machine breathing for her. As per directions, the doctor took her off the life support with two sisters, a brother-in-law, a nephew and a friend present. She was suffering with Parkinson's and was in a lot of physical pain for two I am grateful that at least she went to sleep in her own bed in her own home and didn't wake up.

My aunt was an atheist, so we had a nice no-denominational memorial service at the funeral home, the one that my family is familiar with. Extended family, professional friends, and members of her book club were in attendance. Many people stood up to speak and had many lovely words about her. She was personally and professionally admired by so many people that it made me glad. It was a fine service, until the very end when things blew up.

This isn't not the place to go into details, or to try to assign blame. I don't know who is reading this blog. A huge row ensued inside the funeral home over my aunt's ashes. I had to step in physically, like a hockey referee, between one of my aunt's daughters (the one not currently living overseas) and one of my mother's other sisters, to keep them from coming to blows. Language that should not be uttered in a funeral home was used. It was all so white trash, so Real Housewives of New Jersey, that it was embarrassing. My mother, the matriarch of the family was besides herself. Seething, I roared at everyone to stop. After the repast, I called the funeral director's cell phone and personally apologized for my family.

Today, I pinpointed exactly where the confusion started. It was with an innocent misunderstanding on the part on someone other than the daughter and or the aunt. It's all settled now to everyone's satisfaction. But, it should not have devolved into this fury in the first place. I'm not going to have this any more. I'm 47 years old and an elder now. This is the day that I take over as head of the family.